the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
