i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
