My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
