GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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