i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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