Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
