I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
