After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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