They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
