I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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