Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
