mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
