i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
