Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
