So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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