what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
