Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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