My first STD was from a foam party
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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