Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
