I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
