I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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