a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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