we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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