i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
