he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
