You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
