She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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