She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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