I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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