I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
