I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
