The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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