Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
