the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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