I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
