Tell her she can't have a vagina
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
