i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
