People in love make me want to vomit
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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