can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
