you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
