make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
