remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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