i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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