the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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