I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
