My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
