My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
