Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
