Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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