you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
