All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
