I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Are we still banned from the library?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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