he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
